When I originally started my blog this ^^^ is what I wanted to write about. I have been through a lot of hardships that aren’t “normal” to talk about in the church. This has led many Christians to say many things they shouldn’t. While they may be well-meaning, they just drive people away from Jesus. This will be a series that some may not like. However, if it makes you uncomfortable… YOU should probably read it.
Also, refer to 1 Peter 3:8 – “Finally, be ye all likeminded, compassionate, loving as brethren, tenderhearted, humble-minded:” Let’s be real that’s a big verse. I could write a whole blog on that verse alone! My main point in it though is this: enter with compassion and humility 😌
It is normal for when Christians hear something bad has happened to someone to say:
Number 1 : “well it must be Gods will”, maybe it’s Gods will for you to be homeless or sick
If a woman just lost a child or a son just lost his father, Jesus would NEVER say “oh that’s just the will of my father” Does that sound logical to anyone? Maybe it does to you so, let me break it down further.
While God is Lord of all there are things that happen here that are not his will. Death, loss, suffering, were never apart of His original creation. He wanted us to live with Him in a perfect paradise. When sin came into the world it allowed a bunch of things to enter the world as well.
Now we are in a sinful world claiming that this is “God’s Will” 😐
I particularly hate this one because it is giving God a bad wrap. The God I know defines himself as faithful and compassionate. Slow to anger and abounding in love. Yes, He loves justice but He also loves mercy. Why would the people who are supposed to be advocates for Christ be the people who draw others away from him? If you still think that I am crazy I will leave this topic with an analogy. Let’s say there is a big house with lots of children. The Father out of love sets out rules and wants things to run a certain way. However, just because the father wants things to run a certain way doesn’t mean they always will. Not everything that happens in the Father’s house is in the father’s will.
Number 2 : Did you do something to deserve this? Who sinned?
This one is the easiest to discredit because Jesus SAID NOT TO DO IT. Come on y’all
- “As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” -John 9:1-3 ESV
God may allow the suffering on this earth to happen but in this story, we see the great things that can come from suffering. God will bring EVERYTHING to a close and use EVERYTHING for His glory. That is what we see here. Be there for the person struggling and don’t minimize their suffering.
I also will bring up John 5 because I know if I don’t someone will use it negatively. In John 5 a man’s sin left him paralyzed. Jesus forgave him and healed him. I was talking to a friend about this. I know that sin can have REAL consequences. It is only natural that sin has consequences. Everything that is labeled a sin is to warn us that we shouldn’t do that. All sins have consequences however, that doesn’t mean all bad things are consequences of sin. In Psychology, we say “Correlation does not equal the cause”. I feel that is especially true here.
Number 3: God won’t give you more than you can handle
This isn’t even biblical. Like, where did this come from??? Until writing this I did not know that this comes mostly from 1 Corinthians 10:13 and Deuteronomy 33:25.
- “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
- “The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days”. – Deuteronomy 33:25
While these are great verses, in this life there will be times you are given A LOT more than you can handle. You will feel like you Can Not do whatever is in front of you. With God’s strength, you can. With a good community, you can. So the next time you want to say this check yourself. Are you prepared to assist whoever you are saying this to? If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t say it. Here’s why I say this :
As followers of Christ, we are called to love people. Period.
Part of that is taking care of people in need. People who are suffering, are people in need. Instead of saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle” try being the hands and feet of Jesus. Ask if they need anything. Maybe that’s DoorDash or maybe that is watching their kids for a day. It can be as ‘small’ as stopping to pray with them. Come alongside them so they CAN handle it. Jesus needs us to start being a people of love and action.
Before I wrap this up I would also like to define “falling apart”. A girl who broke up with her boyfriend of 5 months, is hurt. She might be hurt for a while but she should not be falling apart. A woman who was married for ten years and her husband left her with their children. She is now worried about how she will pay the bills and feed her family. That’s a mess. That’s falling apart. Some things are awful while others are life-altering.
If you were to say to the girl who broke up with her boyfriend “maybe that wasn’t God’s will for you” that would make sense. I might agree with you. Maybe that boy wasn’t good for her. She should take her time to get over him and grow so that she can prepare for a better guy. If you told a family who just lost their daughter that it was “God’s will” for her to die… I would personally be offended for them. I would tell them you were wrong and I am so sorry that people feel the need to say things like that.
While this is the first of this series, I fully intend to make a post that is “What to say to a girl whose life is falling apart”. I have had lots of non-biblical things said to me, but I would also like to think I have had some nice comments too. I don’t want to take away all your go-to phrases and leave you with nothing 😉 haha
I hope you found this helpful. I will be uploading a video where I will go into a little more detail. Check back here or instagram to watch it 🙂 However either way thank you for reading! I am here to pray with you or talk more about this. Dm me @isabel_paoloni 🙂 as always much love and God bless<3